You can be separated and the QDRO can be handed in, but until the divorce is final, all of your pension money goes through you and you pay the taxes on it, even the money that goes to your spouse.
The age to stop paying child support in New York is 22, unless they go to college. It is 18 in a few southern states. We all know not even half of that money goes to the kids. I got lucky, but if you are really thinking ahead, look into that.
All of the health insurance rumors are just that, rumors. You can not in any state let someone stay on your health insurance if you are officially divorced. You can stay separated indefinitely so the spouse can stay on your health insurance.
But A very wise man once told me, if you're not divorced, you're not divorced.